Theories as to why Sasuke hates Itachi
by i r Kei
Summary: Don't give me all the credit. Tia helped. So did Pepper after a while. Review, please. I'd like that. Title says it all.
1. Theories One

And Itachi stole Sasuke's idea for the Akatsuki uniform and claimed it as his.

And Sasuke pushed Itachi into a lake.

And Itachi dressed up as a weasel at Sasuke's birthday.

And Itachi decided to make Sasuke's first kitty-cat a piñata...

And then clown pictures fell out.

They were photo shopped clown pictures of Sasuke...

And then he put them on the web..

And guys like Oro showed up for autographs...

And then Oro tried to 'get it on'.

Then Kakashi showed up trying to steal Sasuke from Oro...

((sub- And then Sasuke kicked Itachi "there" and ran off...))

Then Naruto and Sakura came arguing over who gets Sasuke...

Then they had a whole battle over it and Neji showed up... (see JAC Cup of Ramen)

And then Hinata came passing by, pointing fingers...

And Itachi was horridly dancing to Soulja Boy.

No, he invented ANBU Soulja Boy and forced Sasuke to dance and Sasuke refused so Itachi kept poking him with a pink lollipop...

And then Sasuke got mad and threw the lollipop on the ground, then Itachi showed everyone Sasuke's baby pictures...

And then Sasuke bit Itachi and Itachi complained that he had rabies so he went and put Sasuke in the Humane Society...

And then Sasuke broke out and watched as Itachi came in with a clown suit on...

Sasuke then attacked him and blamed his animal instincts...

* * *

Katsune: Probably more coming, so deal with it. I was watching something on youtube and decided to post it on a forum and someone actually replied.

This is what we came up with. THANK YOU TIA!

Sasuke: You... need... help...

Katsune: That's what you told my friend, but we all knew that. THANK YOU! COME AGAIN! Please stay tuned for me, I promise there might actually be more soon!


	2. Theories Two

Itachi forced Sasuke to try out for Konoha's musical.

But Sasuke sounded horrible and embarrassed himself...

But then Itachi bribed everyone to love him and Sasuke found out and photo shopped the videos so it was Itachi singing, not him.

And then Sasuke tried to strangle Itachi and found out Itachi snaps pictures of Sasuke in the shower.

And then Itachi found out that Sasuke's having an affair with Deidara, Itachi's girlfriend/boyfriend because of the pictures.

And then there was a huge fight over who takes Sasuke until Lee showed up...

And then Deidara ran off with Lee and Itachi turned emo and instead of cutting his wrists, he cut Sasuke's.

And then Dei raped Lee in the shower and Sasuke barfed all over Itachi for revenge...

And then Itachi went online to find cures for bulimia because of Sasuke.

And then Sasuke was acting weird because he made up a dance that goes with the 'Powchicawowow' song...

Then Itachi did it and Sasuke hid under his bed, and when Itachi went to find him he found Kisame's corpse in Sasuke's closet.

Then Itachi screamed like a little girl and because he was confused, he humiliated Sasuke by dressing up as Michael Jackson, and in public, he kept hitting on Sasuke.

Then Orochimaru showed up trying to rape Itachi and Sasuke got mad so he attacked Itachi, thinking it was really Orochimaru.

Then Sasuke said "STOP!" and when everyone did he said, "NOW SWING THAT SHIT!" and then everyone swung it.

And Itachi didn't swing it so Sasuke forced him to.

Then Itachi got mad and started singing gay bar to Sasuke and Orochimaru.

And Orochimaru liked it so much he dragged Sasuke off and Naruto showed up out of nowhere begging Orochimaru not to take his lover and almost died.

And then Sasuke yelled, "DON'T TAKE ME, BRO!"

So Itachi dragged Sasuke off to a closet and did NC-17 rated things to him... and Sasuke didn't like them.

And then Sasuke left to find Yoshi to freak Itachi out...


	3. Theories Three

Katsune: Pepper-chan helped this time! Thank you Pepper-chan!

Pepper: That was great. :3

Katsune: Please enjoy! And hopefully inspired! Get bored with friends and see what randomness it creates!

* * *

Sasuke found out that Itachi is snowwiedragon form Youtube and he's been creating all those fan flashes 

And then Itachi found out that Sasuke was really Kelly off of Shoes on Youtube..

And Sasuke realized that Itachi was the one who forced him to do all those videos.

And then Itachi realized that Sasuke was the one who stole his nail polish..

So Itachi got revenge by cutting Sasuke's hair and Sasuke then cut Itachi's ponytail.

And then Itachi screamed like a little girl and bitchslapped Sasuke.

So Sasuke bit Itachi and Itachi screamed like a little girl again and went and complained to mommy and daddy.

But then mommy and daddy were dead so Itachi kicked Sasuke in the shin and called him a rip off artist..

And then Sasuke whined and complained and spit on the floor when he fell and Itachi laughed.

And then Itachi accused Sasuke of raping Charlie The Unicorn.

And Sasuke didn't so he went out and did so Itachi would be right.

And then Itachi taped it and put it up on Youtube.

And then Sasuke posted really mean comments about him on Myspace.

And then Itachi put a video on Youtube saying that Sasuke wears Hello Kitty underwear for revenge.

So Sasuke went and found a video of himself in Hello Kitty underwear and photo shopped it so it was Itachi, not him.

And then Itachi strangled Sasuke and photo shopped an Itachi x Lee picture so it looks like Sasuke was with Lee..

And then Sasuke found a picture of himself with Sakura and made it Itachi and Sakura.

Itachi blew up and found a picture of Itachi and Ino so he turned it into Sasuke x Ino..

Sasuke didn't mind, because he actually thinks Ino looks like Deidara (see chapter two) so instead of getting revenge for that he told Itachi that one day he was going to go blind and Itachi totally freaked.

And then Itachi stabbed Sasuke with an unbent paperclip for scaring him.

Sasuke took out the paperclip and stabbed Itachi back, giving him diseases and stuff.


	4. Theories Four

Thank you for the help! We should sit on heaters at lunch more often! XP

S.G.-kun, bother me again and I will think twice about buying you a m00fin.

Aly-chan, my awesomely awesome editor, THANK YOU! Without you I'd have no life, and no fans. They're really yours, in heart and soul. +luff, luff+ You may now take some of my Phoenix Down, okay?

* * *

Aly-chan:

Itachi stole Sasuke's gravity-defying hair gel (and used it)…

And Sasuke got pissed and added cement to it…

But Itachi dumped the gel on Sasuke's hair and sent Kisame to shave his hair off with his Samehada…

S.G-kun:

Itachi's the older brother- nuff said.

Sasuke wanted to kill his family but Itachi go there first.

Itachi keeps laughing at Sasuke for kissing Naruto.

Hinote-chan:

Hinata stole Itachi, Itachi went willingly, Sasuke got pissed.

Itachi made Sasuke play Barbie dolls with him when they were little.

Itachi read Sasuke's diary.

Meisu-chan:

Itachi stole Sasuke's Oreos.

Itachi told Medic Nins that Sasuke had testicular cancer and they cut his balls off.

Itachi told Sakura to kick Sasuke in the balls and she did.

Kisa-chan:

Itachi put a dead squid in Sasuke's bed.

Itachi slept with Naruto and got genital warts.

Itachi shaved all of Sasuke's body hair off.

Katsune-chan:

Itachi beat Sasuke at ping-pong. (Tia's idea.)

So Sasuke put ping-pong balls in Itachi's eyes, saying they were his /real/ contacts.

Then after Sasuke put the ping-pong balls in Itachi's eyes Itachi went to work for the Akatsuki and everyone laughed at him.

So for revenge Itachi stuffed ping-pong balls down Sasuke's throat.


	5. Theories Five

Pepper-chan and Kyashii-san did these. I have no say in it. Trust me. I was too busy filling out a college app... because I'm cool like that.

PROMISE THERE WILL BE MORE!

I luff this series too much to discontinue it.

Read my other works, they're fun too!

* * *

Because Itachi ran off with Sasuke's lucky charms

Because Itachi 'accidentally' burned Sasuke's teddy bear collection at the annual Uchiha family bonfire.

Because Itachi put a video of Sasuke dancing like Tom Cruise on Youtube.

Itachi showed Sasuke's "bath time" baby pictures to Naruto.

And then Sasuke screamed like a little girl because he thought he burned those pictures months ago.

Then Naruto liked what he saw and hugged Sasuke from behind and bit his ear.

Then Itachi got jealous and beat Naruto with a sharpie.

And then Sasuke freaked out and stabbed Itachi with an unbent paper clip for hurting Naruto.

Sasuke hates Itachi because Itachi "burned" Sasuke's favorite CD that was the very last one on the face of the Earth and Sasuke got all mad about it that he through the largest temper-tantrum the world has ever seen.

And then Sasuke stopped hurting Itachi with a plastic spork, but then kept hitting him with a 34-foot pole.

Then Sasuke hit Itachi in the stomach and Itachi froze for a second, then began dancing in a circle singing "Oh Boy, Barney's on Fire"

And then this sort of reminded Sasuke of how Itachi ruined his 4th birthday party when he dressed up as Barney.

And then Kisame came and tried to dance not cleanly with Itachi.

And then Kisame did NC-17 rated things to Itachi, and Sasuke tackled Kisame and started beating the living crud out of him.

Then Kisame turned into fish sticks, which Naruto ate. Then Baki came in and confessed his love for Sasuke.

Sasuke was flattered by Baki, but he claimed his undying love for Naruto and he clung to Naruto, and the NaruSasu fan girls rejoiced while the ItaSasu and ItaNaru fan girls blew to bits.

And Then Kisame leaped from Naruto's stomach, whacking both over the head with the Samehada (or whatever) and tried to drag Sasuke away while Baki flirted with Naruto and Itachi cried.

But then Sasuke showed a documentary to Kisame about how to cook shark, wriggled free of his grasp, and stabbed Baki with a spork.

Then Kisame cried fishy tears as Itachi crept up and painted Naruto's nails red-violet and gave him a hug.

Baki ran away crying.


	6. Theories Six

Yeah! Chapter Six finally up!

Thank you Pepper-chan, again, for a great chapter.

And thank you Shiro Ishida for the idea and letting me use it. See, I told you I'd give you credit.

More to come soon! I just have to think of who to ask! XP

Katsune Imora

* * *

Sasuke hated Itachi for being forced to play DDR. - Shiro Ishida

And while Sasuke was playing DDR Itachi kept poking him with a toothpick.

And so Sasuke just gave up and sat on the DDR mat and lost. Since he was playing online he had to post his score and name and put Itachi's name instead of his.

And then all the Akatsuki found out about it and pointed and laughed at Itachi, so to get back at him Itachi stole all of Sasuke's hair gel and poured it on Deidara.

Sasuke wasn't all too happy about Itachi stealing his hair gel, but still laughed when it was poured on Deidara. So Sasuke went out and bought super hold hair gel and cut Itachi's hair so it matched his and used the super hold hair gel and glue and Itachi then looked like a slightly older Sasuke.

And then all the Sasuke fan girls glomped Itachi, thinking that he was really Sasuke, and then they wondered why he didn't have his gravity-defying hair gel so they poured a whole bottle on him.

And Sasuke laughed and ate popcorn. Then the fan girls decided that Itachi wasn't Sasuke and found Sasuke. Sasuke was none too happy so he told the fan girls he was gay for Itachi and they shrieked and had to go glomp and congratulate Itachi.

Because the fan girls were so joyful, they messed up Itachi's hair which was filled with hair gel. The hair gel got into his eyes and he started screaming, thinking that he really did go blind and attacked Sasuke.

Sasuke didn't like this. He screamed like a girl and hid behind a rock, but it didn't work so he went to Orochimaru for help.

And then Itachi stole the last chocolate chip cookie.


	7. Theories Seven

Sasuke was upset at Itachi for stealing his lunch money. (inspired by AWOL cosplayers)

So Sasuke got some scissors and cut off Itachi's ponytail when Itachi was least suspecting it.

And then Itachi glued it back on and went around saying duck-butt hair was all the rage.

So Sasuke got angry again, because Itachi had stolen his trademark duck-butt statement. In retaliation to this, he dialed the number for Gai-sensei and Rock Lee's hairdresser to come around straight away.

But Itachi told the hairdresser that Kakashi was in need of a hair styling so when Kakashi showed up for training with Sasuke's hair, Sasuke thought it best to shave off his hair and Itachi got mad because then he couldn't make fun of Sasuke's duck-butt hair.

Sasuke laughed at Itachi, seeing how his older brother could not laugh at him, and he felt pretty happy that he now looked completely different with his baldhead. Kakashi got attacked by Sasuke's fan girls.

And Sasuke got jealous of Kakashi and started dating him and Itachi got mad. So Itachi hooked Kakashi up with Anko and stole Sasuke back.

Kakashi and Anko got married and named their duck-butt hair child after Sasuke- because of the hair.

Sasuke felt a little embarrassed that they named the kid duck-butt after his hair (which had eventually grown really long like Itachi's) but he liked being an Uncle. He also plotted to kill Anko for stealing his man!

But Itachi got to Anko before Sasuke could because he knew Sasuke would get really jealous and hopefully do naughty things to him.

Sasuke hated Itachi for getting rid of Anko for him and so he dialed a number and suddenly Chuck Norris appeared in the Nirvash in a magic puff of smoke. He told Chuck Norris that Itachi had been copying the legendary facts about him which sent Chuck Norris into a blinding rage and he killed half of the ninjas of Konoha.

So Itachi was banned from the Konoha Gentlemen's Club because of this (he was one of the dancers, silly) and so he went and raped Sasuke because he wouldn't be able to get any quick jobs from work anymore.


End file.
